no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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