I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
