I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
