You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
