i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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