you traded sex for a burrito?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
