did you get engaged???
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
