How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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