I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
