we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
