You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
