when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
