Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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