Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
