she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
