fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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