Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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