i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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