Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
