i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
