***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
