Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
