I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
