hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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