Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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