Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
