and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
