whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
