This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
