shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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