either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
