So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
