So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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