I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
