ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
