Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
