My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
