Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
