i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
