It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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