You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm both gender and math confused
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
