Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
