Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
