I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
