Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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