I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
