I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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