I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
