Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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