the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
