I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
