My Higher Power is John Stamos
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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