And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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