I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
