I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
